I find it to be good therapy for me to journal, so I thought I would do so via a blog so our family and close friends could follow along with this next chapter of our lives that we are about to begin.
Most of you are somewhat aware of the long and painful journey we have been living to bring a second child into our family. Well, the disease of infertility has "beat me", or it has given me the opportunity to experience becoming a parent in another miraculous way. I truly go back and forth on that. I'm sad to move on from trying for our own child and I will probably mourn this for some time, but infertility has been a part of our lives for our entire marriage basically - and it has now gotten the best (or worst) of me. So, the happy news is that we have decided to explore a different route to growing our family - a very special one....and that is adoption.
Without going into all of the horrendous detail, after a difficult time getting pregnant with Sophia (IVF) and then this last 2 1/2+ years has been consumed with trying to conceive - and the last 1 1/2 years has included 2 surgeries, too many IUIs and clomid months to count, many started but cancelled IVF cycles, 2 actual IVF cycles, and now the miscarriage- and nothing but an empty heart (and wallet) to show for it.....we know it is time to move on.
We count our blessings literally every day for Sophia - and I feel so fortunate to have been able to experience carrying her and giving birth to her. But it's our hearts desire to have a second child and now we get to experience something also miraculous and completely different, and of course special.
Bill and I have had many more conversations than we'd like to about this extremely big decision - it's not as easy as we had thought. It is a very very difficult decision. But our hearts are guiding us in this direction and the reality of bringing home a baby within a year or so (+ or -) puts a smile on both of our faces - it's time to feel this good again. We have signed paper work and put down "some money" with a company called AIS (Adoption Information Services) who came highly recommended to us by a couple we were put in touch with via mutual friends. Madeline and Jimmy are young, 29, and have spent many years and 4 failed IVF's trying to have their own child. Now - thanks to AIS they have a 1 year old amazing baby boy adopted from FL, and they hope to adopt again soon one day.
We are excited and very nervous as there are A LOT of ups and downs and highs and lows with adopting. But we've had more than our fair share of these times with our infertility journey which has brought us closer in our marriage, and much stronger. So we feel we are prepared to deal with what comes our way and knowing in the end there is a baby that we will be so fortunate to bring into our lives, it will be all worth it - just as Sophia was. We are very excited that Sophia WILL be a big sister, we truly believe it will happen and we just pray sooner than later. I personally cannot wait to tell her that we, as a family, will be growing a baby in our hearts, unlike the traditional way - which she knows all about babies in bellies and asks about it often. But hopefully she will understand it somewhat, and get just as excited. She has a pretend brother named "Puck" that she talks to sometimes at the front door (I guess he's not allowed in the house). Well - maybe she knows something we don't about a baby brother :)
For the first time in years we see the light at the end of the tunnel - even though it won't be an easy journey - we are thankful and feel very fortunate that our lives are leading us down this blessed path.
And most importantly, thank you for your prayers and support and love.
Stay tuned to this site for updates. Later this week we have a conference call with AIS which will teach us a lot more about next steps, timeframe, etc.
xoxo
Tami
